Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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