Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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