in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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