This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm like, not good at living.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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