I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
