If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize