Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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