I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
