i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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