ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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