If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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