i would punch a child for taco bell
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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