I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
