just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
