Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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