Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
