Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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