he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
