So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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