Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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