we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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