so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
