The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
