We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
