I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
