Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
