We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
