so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
