I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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