Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
