Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You need Xanax blowdarts
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
