Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
