you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
