Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So here I am, sexting at work.
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