I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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