remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
