New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
