He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
