My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
