This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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