The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The best revenge is premature balding
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
vagina is talking i cant
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
