The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
