So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
