another moral hangover. fuck.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
