he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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