it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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