I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
