Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Randomize
