Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
