Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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