drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
