no, he came in my armpit
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
