My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
