just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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