It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
