69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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