White coat. Heels.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
