i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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