Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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