After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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