one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can I color on your dick again?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
