is your mom at the bar?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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