Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
