Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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