you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
