I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
