I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
